I don't need my children. Why do I need children, a real story from the life of a woman. Not after but before

At the end of 2015 - beginning of 2016, a wave of child and teenage suicides swept through Russia. And although everything seems to be calm now, neither parents nor society have confidence that this nightmare will not happen again. At any moment, we can again face a new series of child-teenage suicide, so this topic does not lose its relevance.

About the causes of childhood and teenage suicides, about what and who contributes to the formation of an easy attitude towards death, can we protect our children from the manipulation of their consciousness, we talk with.

Without a family as an ideal

- Father Dimitry, why does a child decide to commit suicide so easily? What is going on in his mind?

This problem has several layers. The lowest, the very first layer, which lies on the tectonic plates of the soul, is godlessness. The modern Russian child does not know anything about God, does not know about His existence. He knows nothing about the afterlife. He knows nothing about what sin is - even in his vocabulary there is no such word.

And he does not know that this is the stupidest of human actions, because suicide does not solve any problem at all. Indeed, in those problems that led the little man to suicide, he freezes in eternity. Here he is 15 years old, a year or two or three will pass - and everything will “dissolve” by itself, even if he does nothing to solve these problems. And there - already all forever. Here is the first reason.

And here it is necessary to say that the secular state, all these so-called fighters for the secular foundations of the state, which prevent the priest from coming to school, create this layer, while children need to be explained these important things that they will need in their later life. I have already said more than once that a child should know at least the names of all sects. Here are the cards, there are 10 lines on them about each sect - and this will be such an inoculation against his recruitment by sectarians. And although sects do not incline to biological suicide, membership in them is spiritual suicide. Once in a sect, a child falls out of the family, out of society, even out of that - almost said: biocenosis - in which he exists at school. And this is a very dangerous phenomenon.

The second layer, a little higher: modern adults and their attitude towards children. Children, their inner world, their soul, their development are not interesting for adults. There is no understanding of how we want to raise children. Yes, this task is not worth it for adults at all! In short, adults do not need children.

Of course, they may object to me that there are adults who need children. Yes, there are, but they are very few. I say this not only on the basis of experience gained in those orphanages that I work with. I communicate not only with relatives of orphans, but also with parents who take their children to our - very Orthodox and very good - school (where, by the way, many people want to go). So this problem exists.

Why don't parents need children?

I'll explain now. During the year I conduct a “sociological study”: I always ask every young lady who comes to me for a meeting: “Who would you like to be?” I get very different answers, but these are all fields that the child cannot choose for himself. For example: "I want to be an economist." It is clear that a person at the age of 14-15 does not understand what economics is, because there is no such subject at school. But this word is heard in the headings on television, on the radio, and so on. And it is assimilated, and therefore chosen by the child. And I never received an answer: "I want to be a mother." And when I ask the boys, I never received an answer: "Dad." That is, the Russian people continue to stay in the new paradigm that the Bolsheviks created. One of the goals of this Marxist paradigm (and all the Bolsheviks were Marxists, and only later, under Stalin, there was some revision of this doctrine) ... well, one of the goals of Marxism was the destruction of the family as such. This fully corresponds to those social utopias that "wandered" around Europe for several centuries and which Marxism absorbed into itself.

The modern Russian person has a process of self-destruction in the subconscious

What does this unwillingness of the family mean? This means that the modern Russian person has a process of self-destruction in his subconscious. Because, of course, those biological species that do not want to reproduce disappear.

In the system that Marxism created, this “without a family” is perceived as native. And this is not a path to nowhere - it is a path specifically to hell. It's such a hell of a system of self-destruction.

The Lord commanded “not self-realization in the profession”, but something completely different: be fruitful and fill the earth

- But after all, they still give birth to children!

Yes, because the instinct to give birth has not yet been overcome. And every mentally normal woman, with rare exceptions, wants to experience motherhood. But she doesn't want to be a mother. It's like I, for example, wanted to experience what a parachute jump is - and jumped. Once was enough for me, I don’t want to anymore - but not because I didn’t like it. I just really liked it, this is one of the most vivid impressions. But I don't feel like skydiving every week. So is a woman. Following instinct, she wants to give birth - one, but to devote herself to raising, feeding, teaching children, to try to shape them into what she would like, to develop their talent, which she defines, to see the result of her efforts, to see how children change ... No, she does not agree to all this. She wants to "realize herself in the profession." That is, to waste your life on nonsense, from the point of view of God's plan, because God did not command man: become an astronaut, become the father of nuclear weapons, become a surgeon, or a hammer fighter, or an Olympic silver medalist ... The Lord commanded something completely different: be fruitful, multiply, fill the earth. So godlessness completely emasculated from the mind, soul and subconsciousness of a person his main task, which serves survival.

Hello school, hello hell!

- And the school? What is her role?

This is just the third level -. Our school was created according to the Prussian system, and was created to educate a person-cog, a person-function, who is absolutely obedient to the ruling class. And all this was accepted by our so-called system. education. Who is educated in our school? Our school educates, generally speaking, ill-mannered and, in fact, poorly educated people. If some parents are aware of this Yu That is, they try to completely ignore school in the upper grades and, when funds allow, hire teachers to give an education that will allow the child to develop at least intellectually. But more daring parents teach their children from the first to the last grade themselves. Now we are just beginning, but over time there will be more such parents, although there will probably not be the same as in America, where 5% of families raise children from the first to the last grade at home. And these children show remarkable success, because the school does not just disfigure the natural craving for knowledge of a small person - it completely kills this craving. And children, instead of receiving the so-called. knowledge - after all, the entire school curriculum can be completed in two to four years with average abilities, and it makes no sense to sit in absolutely inhuman conditions for 11 years ... and so, instead of knowledge, children get scoliosis and a bunch of other diseases. They suffer from phenols contained in the chipboard, from which desks and cabinets are made. They suffer, as it has now been found out, from school uniforms, which are simply harmful to wear. They suffer from the terrifying noise that is constantly at school. And they suffer from the children's team, which by its influence on the child by the age of 14 completely knocks him out from under the influence of his parents. And the kids just “send” dad and mom. And first, grandfather and who are more defenseless.

The state helps this “message” in every possible way: now for a slap on a child, you can get two years in prison. And it's your child! If you spank someone else, you will only be subjected to some kind of administrative pressure. Now we still have a struggle with this law, which was carried out under the guise. And they did exactly that under the guise. And it’s not just “what is it? it's all over Europe", no! This is a purposeful continuation of the murder of all elements of education.

Back in the 1990s, our school abandoned education, when it was declared: the school does not educate - it teaches. She doesn't teach anything! And if the school does not teach and educate, then it disfigures the child. For a child who grew up in school, the most important and strongest influence is the opinion of those boys and girls who are in his social circle: this is a class and, perhaps, an entrance.

- Today, communication on the Internet is more important ...

Yes, now we have a new infection - . And, indeed, communication on the Internet for children is becoming much more important and significant than communication with peers in real life. They are completely immersed in the network. And this is the next layer: life is not the one that God created and that man spoiled by his fall, but a virtual life. Children communicate without even knowing with whom, sometimes without knowing, with a boy or a girl. And there is an exchange of infections that are contained in ideas. In the same way, it affects not only children, but also young people. Especially for those who were born within the Islamic culture, but do not know anything about Islam: they can be instilled with certain ideas, and without any difficulty. And the mentor should not be some kind of great ulema - it is enough that he knows 4-5 slogans. He will inspire them, and then the person himself will fantasize a little more and may well imagine himself as some kind of hero, not Sir Lancelot of the Lake, of course, but at least someone from the Magnificent Age series.

Many people who reflect on our modern existence say that there is a war going on: a war against Russia on all fronts. The war against disabled athletes, the war against education - yes, just destroying it, maliciously and purposefully, under the pretext that we are saving money. And the state always needs money, and the ruling class always needs money, this is all clear.

The right to die

Galina Mursaliyeva, a columnist for Novaya Gazeta and the author of a well-known article on child suicides, came to the conclusion that the wave of suicides was planned. Then many parents simply clutched their heads: because they could not even imagine such a thing ...

Thunder will not strike - the peasant will not cross himself.

The purpose of orchestrating suicides is both shameful and clear: cutting children out of our society, in which they are already only a small part, but if you make this a mass phenomenon, it will turn out to be a very serious problem.

- And what is the "psychological portrait" of the conductor of suicides?

The people involved in this conducting can be anyone, live anywhere - in Malaysia, for example. Or in Ukraine there is a person who is not averse to earning $20 a week for such “communication” on the Internet, especially since he has already been brainwashed that these Russian children are future soldiers. After all, artillerymen trained in our own Soviet military schools shot at our pilots and shot them down! Although they studied at the same school, only those were pilots, and these were artillerymen, but something had already turned over in their brains.

When a person has neither God nor conscience, many things can be “sucked” into him, including the idea of ​​death.

And now, when a person has neither God nor conscience, a lot can be “sucked” into him. Yes, detectives are shown to us all the time on TV: the son wants to kill his father, the mother kills the son, and then good and such nice investigators unravel all this. And it is embedded in the brain: you can kill your father, and even your mother, if for money. My father and mother will die before me anyway, but at least I will have a good life. And wait until they die and leave me a fortune ... I would like to study, but I can’t: all my brains are beaten off by school. And they show me all the time beautiful life: here a ballerina sits on a twine on famous islands, here are the fees of such and such singers, and if you have at least a rare voice, you still won’t get into the clip ... And so it is all over the world. Pavarotti kept the tenors under his control, and while he was alive, it was impossible to break into this market ...

For people, they became a god - just what the Lord spoke against. The asceticism of Holy Scripture teaches: "The love of money is the root of all evil." And if you serve money, you cannot serve God. And the man went on the path of struggle with God. And as a consequence of this - the suicide of the most fragile, unprotected.

But in general, suicide is not only when you lay hands on yourself. Suicide of adults also happens in a different form, as, for example, in our country in the 1990s, during rampant crime. Walk through any of our cemeteries: how many monuments there are to young guys who could have five to seven children, and they killed themselves by doing such a “business”.

If you follow human rights, then it will turn out: “Why is this?! Every child has the right to die"

Let us also remember that we are ahead of the rest of the planet in terms of the number per capita. But this is a big problem, but those in power are not concerned about it, it absolutely does not sound either at school or at a medical university. Right now, new paving slabs are being laid in the center of Moscow, but when people walk along Tverskaya, along other beautiful streets, they don’t think about the fact that they are squelching over the blood of murdered babies - and tens of millions have been killed. The population of several countries has been destroyed. And by whom? - By the parents themselves. And smiling doctors who believe that by getting rid of children, they are doing a good deed. This is completely perverted consciousness! And it’s completely incomprehensible why this one can be killed, but that one can’t. From here, only a small step to what is already in Europe - to child euthanasia. Here the child was offended by the neighbor's boy, told his mother about this, and she waved it off: "Pay no attention." And his resentment gnaws, and please: he can come for euthanasia. The state in this in some countries is already willing to help him. Why? - And he has rights. And if you follow human rights, then it will turn out: “Why is this?! Every child has the right to life and the right to die, so he realized his right.

Do as I do!

What features of the psyche, characteristic of all children and adolescents, turn out to be the weakest point on which the conductor can play with suicides?

Herding. Now all sorts of flash mobs are in fashion. Everyone came out in the same T-shirts and at the same time they clap their hands in the same way. And when everyone is doing something at the same time and in the same way, is this not preparation for a bad series? First, a flash mob, and then ... After all, for a young person, the main thing is this “all together”, young people live in imitation, they have not yet grown spiritually into full-fledged people, they are still monkeys, although they are tailless, and for them it is very important to be like everyone else: we will all walk around in rags, we will all wear metal in our ears, in our nose, in our navel ... we will all suffer from venereal diseases, we will all smoke, and with the air that we are doing something important.

They jump from the roofs not only from resentment, but also “for fun”. What is the motivation behind the joke? - Pride

But at the same time, there is also a desire to stand out from this “like everyone else”. You are cool, right? And you start to ride on the roof of the car. And even cooler - to jump down from the Ostankino tower. After all, they jump from the roofs not only from resentment, but also “for fun”. What is the motivation behind the joke? - Pride. This is, by the way, in the communist call: "Who was nobody, he will become everything." "I killed John Lennon!" Have you composed, sung and played at least one song? - No! “But I killed John Lennon - I went down in history! Everyone will write about me now! And the greater the height, the more spectacular, the more attention to my person.

The child is not set up to learn algebra, not to prepare to be a father, not to learn how to drive screws without ruining his hand. He does not think about it, although this is what his family and society will expect from him. He has nonsense in his head: get together and “gee-gee-gee”. They laughed, drank, smoked something - this is life. And they begin to study this: “subculture!” Not a "subculture", but a purely lack of culture, the loss of any national culture. Culture is compressed to microscopic limits, and something else is imposed - such a herd. Because they will show it on TV, that's what I want, and I want to participate. This, by the way, is also used by politicians, and through social media distributed by.

You mentioned John Lennon. And in public and communities, not only his lines are quoted with might and main, but also our other idols - the songs of those whom we listened to when we were young. Here, the Spleen group has a song with the words: “We went into outer space, there is nothing more to catch in this world ...”, and now I understand that these words, taken out of context, are well suited to the corresponding processing of the mind of a teenager, although - and I am sure of this - the musician Alexander Vasiliev did not at all put any suicidal meaning into these words.

Are you sure!!!

I've never heard in my life what this man created, nor his name. But there are names and surnames that you have heard, and I. I'm not talking about John Lennon now. I'm talking about Nikolai Vasilyevich Gogol, Nikolai Alekseevich Nekrasov ... They exist in our minds and influence it - they influence it differently. At least on mine, so far.

Rock artists and rappers have a very big influence on the minds of those guys who are now in school, it cannot be so easily excluded.

And I don't rule it out.

As for the protection of children... For this, the state exists, it must protect children. But the state is not something abstract, it is people. And remember how many prosecutors, the administration, and the police were raised to their feet in order to close dozens, if not hundreds, of camps because idiots drowned 13 children in Ladoga! And one of the idiots did not even take a call from the injured girl - she thought she was joking. It's not stupidity, it's just plain idiocy. After all, it is clear that on our large northern lakes, such as Ladoga, Onega and others, it is impossible to go “hiking” even with a small wave. And if they call you about an emergency, you need to check! How can you yourself, without seeing a person, dismiss something just because a child is calling?! And what happened next, isn't that idiocy? They spent a lot of money on checking the camps, deprived a huge number of children of summer vacations. Close is the easiest solution. And they resorted to such crude clumsy methods. But is it protection?

There is a problem with the camps, every year we are told: in that camp the children were poisoned, in another camp they were poisoned, although each camp is forced to take food from a certain supplier ...

Not after but before

The child does not need to specifically "talk". You need to start talking to him when he is still in his mother's womb.

The child does not need to specifically "talk". You need to start talking with a child when he is still in his mother's womb. Talk to him, sing to him, stroke your tummy, baptize him. And from the day of birth until the child marries or gets married, mom and dad must have unquestioned authority, which is won not by muscles, not by money, not by gifts, but by love. And no "guys" in the yard, who tease, and endlessly scoff, and talk obscenities, will not be able to compete with their parents if the parents are real. And if “leave me alone, I have no time”, if the main thing for mom and dad is work, it’s clear that a surrogate immediately appears. It was gnawed, like an apple that had not been eaten, they threw it away, stepped on it with a foot, but still there was some iron and vitamins left. Our kids eat this crap.

What the school, the street, the Internet offer the child is a low-quality product, it is a deadly product. After all, it is known that more than 50% of Internet requests are pornography. And the children are looking for and watching it - and the parents don't even know about it. Children beg for gadgets: “Mom, all the guys at school have it, but I don’t!” What if all the kids had a straight razor? And if all the guys are given a Stechkin pistol? What, like this: “And I want!” - "On, son, fell!"? What, let it be like in America? There, a child who is teased immediately buys a gun and starts shooting at everyone in a row - and you will become famous, and cool, and shoot - in general, there are a lot of all sorts of pleasures.

Can psychologists working in schools and special centers somehow help children cope with their problems?

What can psychologists say? Once in a certain center where psychologists just work with children and adolescents, I conducted such an experiment. I suggested that psychologists give me their usual argumentation, and I, having taken the child's point of view, would try to refute it. And 10 minutes had not passed, as I smashed them to smithereens. Children, they are rational beings: they have logic, thinking, their brains work very quickly. When they communicate with other children, who are just as dynamic, they play ping-pong with each other all the time. Therefore, they, of course, simply furnish all psychologists. And to calm the society: "Psychologists work with the victims." They work - and let them work: everything is in order, the topic is closed. But we need results!

- But in suicidal groups, children are also manipulated by psychologists ...

There are certain technologies. Just like hypnotists. Here the hypnotist enters the hall and asks: “Join your hands! All connected? - "All". “You can't unhook your hands. Try it!” And the hypnotist looks at who could not disengage, invites these people to the stage and starts working with them - and they will do whatever you want: they will swim and speak English ... It's very simple: a person is subject to hypnosis to a greater extent than other. It's the same with children.

So is there a way out?

How should parents behave if they understand that their child is in such a group, has been in it for a long time? It is clear that the Internet is turned off. But what else?

Here it is necessary to act strictly individually. But the best method is to switch attention. Let me give you a household example. Small child, one and a half years old, you are sitting in the kitchen, the baby is in your arms, and at the same time you are watching TV, eating and warming the porridge for the child. And here he is stretching his hand to the pan. If I miss this moment, he will scald himself with boiling water. Therefore, I must not miss this moment. And our kitchen is small, 5 meters. What to do? The child needs to be distracted from the saucepan.

So when he got into a suicidal group: you need to switch the attention of the child. Well, for example, get him a dog and devote a few months to this. Go to exhibitions, choose a puppy, explain how to take care of him ... Then go for a walk with this puppy, etc. Yes, whatever you need to distract from this plague.

And of course, it is necessary to isolate from the children's team. The Russian person has a collective consciousness. Indeed, in the past, 100 years ago, families had an average of 8 children. Usually there were 15-20 children, but some were childless, and someone's children were dying, so an average of 8 children per family was obtained. But such a team is natural: seniors - juniors. The older one says to the middle one: “You can’t beat the younger ones!” And all children grow up in love and peace. The older ones learn to care for the younger ones and thus prepare for the future. family life, which does not happen in modern families, so the 45-year-old "boy" says: "I'm not ready to get married yet." Yes, it will never be ready! Because he doesn't know how to deal with children. Because he only knows how all of you should treat him: tie a bib when you feed him; do not block his TV; don't annoy him; and when he wants to sleep, it should be quiet, and so on. And then there are some kids...

I remember I asked one school friend: “Do you want to get married?” And he: “What if there are children? They are kind of red...

How do parents protect their children from the dead? "Oh, he will worry!" How do you know? How many times have I served funerals when small children were present. They show great interest in the deceased: they consider, think ... This is such an impulse for them! No, we usually do it differently: “Where is grandma? She is gone". Well, what nonsense!

Children are not prepared for adulthood. And you can’t start cooking when your child is already 15 years old. They say it's transitional. What is the transitional age? - Transitional age that he has grown so much that he can hit back at mom and dad. And 40% of dads don’t have one at all, and if someone does, then it’s not a dad and you just need to avoid him in every possible way. So everything is hidden there when the baby is still like a bean.

Then you won't be able to fix it right away. Here mothers with children come to me: “Father, you tell him!” He looks at me, and it's even uncomfortable for me to say something to him. Who am i? And what to say? "Listen to your mother!"? He is still afraid of adults and therefore frankly does not laugh in my face. But when he tells his children about this visit to the temple, he will be delayed, be healthy, I can directly hear what he is saying.

- But this is the usual teenage confrontation with adults. Is not it so?

Adolescence has nothing to do with it at all: a person grows up very organically. There is really no problem of puberty, except for some bodily painful phenomena. It's all about growth in general. Take a plant or a lion - what, they have puberty? What, is the lion having a problem? The problem arises when he wants to get into another pride: he needs to defeat the older male - and he is driven across the prairie. It's the same with people, everything is organic.

Eternal fight

It turns out that the root of all the problems associated with child suicide does not even go to, but even further? And to cure all this, if it is at all possible to cure, will it take a long time?

Of course, it is possible to crush this, as it were, by spending huge amounts of money: to track who organizes suicidal groups, to catch these people, to prove their guilt through the courts. But due to the fact that these people usually live abroad, we do not have access to them. And if they are eliminated by snipers, then, in fact, no one pities them: new ones will be hired right there. And you can’t shoot the whole country from where recruits are recruited - they will find another country. What, our American brothers are not up to date? After all, all world terrorism is their product. Do they feel sorry for the Arabs or the people of Africa? America has its own global financial problems and tasks, and they solve them. And that someone died, they don’t think about it. And not only them, but also us. Here in Belgium someone was stabbed to death - we carry flowers to the embassy. In Syria, an explosion killed 200 people - and no one brought anything to any Syrian embassy. Aren't Syrians people? This is the oldest culture. Syrians have always been. In general, the Americans destroyed Iraq. And a huge number of terrorists are former officers of the Iraqi army. They were all deceived. The generals were bribed, but there was not enough money for all the officers.

So there will always be explicit and indirect terror. There will always be those who can be hired.

Only the family protects a person - both big and small. Therefore, all blows are directed at her.

And the only thing that protects a person - both big and small - in this monstrous world is. Therefore, all blows are directed at the family, therefore the juvenile policy, therefore the legislation that will destroy the family. And it will still be like that. Not like that, like that. They cannot push through the whole law, so they take a piece and push it through. And they act through all channels, and through business, through those who have money .... There is a war.

And if there is a family, if there is upbringing and education within the family, if this family understands its task before God, then yes, there is hope for salvation. Otherwise it will be the same as with drugs. Well, how much the struggle is already going on! And all you need to do is to take airplanes and, on a low level flight in April, water all the poppy fields in Afghanistan with defoliants, and do this every year for five years. True, heroin has already been prepared for the next seven years for the market. But in seven years, if this work is carried out carefully, it will disappear. Otherwise, it's not a fight. Drive, do not drive, they will still sell and inject. And who pities those drug addicts who sell it? And the police feel good: because everyone knows where those who trade live, what they build their houses for, who trades, who their boss is - everything is known. Only nothing is being done, except perhaps some half-measures. So it is with suicides. Here the journalist raised the problem - so what? Unless he made a name for himself on this. That wave is gone. But something else will arise that will capture more and more minds.

- I read that those suicide groups were closed, but new ones appeared ...

I just don't know what's wrong with me. Every day I break down more and more on my son, so much so that it’s even scary myself ... I hit him on the pope, on his hands, on his shoulder ... then fingerprints remain.

Almost everything about him infuriates me ... my child infuriates me! It's like he's a stranger to me.

I'm yelling at him for nothing in theory. For what all children do - he breaks everything, tears, scatters things, does not want to go to the potty, pisses anywhere, throws the remote control into tea, etc., etc. Well, it's okay, you can still understand. But even when he just comes up to me when I'm busy with something or sitting at the computer, I start to get mad, I tell him to leave me alone. I don't want to play with him! I don't want to go out with him!

Now I was yelling at him like that and hitting him in the ass because he climbed onto the computer desk and made such a puddle there ... this is not the first time he has pissed on the table. Lord, why does he not understand that you need to go to the potty?? so still you won’t catch the moment when he wants to go to the toilet ... I can’t already, everything in the house is already pissed. Told him I hate him and he annoys me

I feel so sorry for him later after such my bouts of rabies. Sometimes I even think that I don’t love him ... I understand that he is NOT GUILTY OF ANYTHING! And what effect could it have on his psyche? I'm his mother ... I'm crying ...

Many will say that it is fatigue, lack of sleep and all that has such an effect, but no! If you think about it, I don't get tired, I always get enough sleep, I have time for myself, but I DON'T WANT to do anything! The son sleeps all night and during the day 2-4 hours.

I just want to be alone and that no one touches me and I would not do anything.

Maybe it's depression ... I just don't have friends, I have no one to communicate with, I have one girlfriend, but she is always with her boyfriend. My husband works from morning to evening, in the evening he comes tired and immediately at the computer, he practically does not talk ... but sometimes we all walk together or go to the shopping center (rarely).

But I miss it. I sit all day alone with my son, in the evening, too, no one will talk to me much, I have already BEAUTY! The Internet is the only consolation.

We have moved for more than six months, and there are absolutely no mothers with children here. When we go to our parents where we used to live, there are a lot of girls with children, I walk with them and walk with pleasure ... and my child does not annoy me there. And there’s not even anywhere to go, only roads along which cars rush ...

But if I needed him, if I loved him like all mothers love their children, I wouldn’t complain about it, I would just be glad every moment spent with him, he wouldn’t annoy me for nothing, because all children such! But this is not so ... I realized today that I do not need my child, my son

Sorry, I just needed to talk it out, I just simply go crazy soon ... Or already ...

Maybe someone can help me. I don't understand what is happening to me. When I got pregnant, I was afraid to have an abortion. Now I understand that I had to overpower myself. I poison the life of myself and everyone around me. Husband and parents. I never wanted to have children, but I hoped that during the period of pregnancy my maternal instinct would wake up. But it didn’t exist and it doesn’t exist, to the child. I have two dogs and I take great pleasure in them. We go to exhibitions, get champion titles, etc. I have absolutely no interest in dealing with a child, the health of my dogs worries me more than the health of my daughter. I don’t want to teach her anything, I just want to howl from thinking about kindergarten and school. She did not want to breastfeed even before her birth, then after suffering for 3 weeks. transferred to artificial nutrition. I've been so disappointed in this, all the advice in mommy magazines seems so false. I have never met with what terrible problems women who breastfeed their children have to face. Of course, I take care of her as best I can, but it only brings me mental anguish, I don’t feel any warm feelings for her. She is absolutely indifferent to me, the subconscious whispers more and more obtrusively that it would be better if she died. My husband can hardly endure all this, he constantly forgives me. I don't know how we will live. Why don't I feel for a child what I feel for dogs. And in relation to them, I have all the manifestations of motherhood just gush with a fountain. I just don’t want to live, I understand that if I can’t change this in myself, I will lose my husband (and I VERY love him). Ask somebody.
Wrong mom © (14.10.2003 15:10)

It's hard to recommend anything! Perhaps you need the help of a good psychologist. The only thing is that things can change over time. Daughter will grow up and together you will be able to deal with dogs and everything else.
Esther © (14.10.2003 15:10)

It is better for you and your husband to go to a psychologist. Are you depressed. Good luck to you, husband, your daughter and dogs.
Bonita © (14.10.2003 15:10)

In my opinion, you need a child-winner, that is, a kakadochka needs you, it doesn’t bring you joy, but when she draws or dances or something else better than all her peers, it will bring you great joy. There is a type of people who love only winners. My advice to you is take care of your daughter. Cultivate the best out of it and you will be proud of it no less than your dogs. It is clear that now she is too small to be independent and not need you, but she will become what you make her Work hard now and you will be the first to be happy!
Cat K © (14.10.2003 15:10)

It may very well be ... I began to enjoy it exactly when it began to turn out that she was smarter and so on. let it all be a shame, but it was so
Kelen © (14.10.2003 15:10)

It's not shameful. There are women who love the unfortunate and the poor, everyone is surprised, they themselves complain, but they live. And there are people who love only the winners. Yes, there are many types of relationships.
Cat K © (14.10.2003 20:10)

Have you tried going to the doctor? Something in your posting directly pride is heard - here, I am like that, and that's it! Some bullshit, to be honest. I have been working with dogs for many years, professionally, but - God forbid - if there was a threat to the health of a child, I would give them away instantly. And there was no comparison. What would you do? And how old is your daughter?
Izhitsa in confusion © (14.10.2003 15:10)

This is postpartum depression, go to the doctor, let them look at the hormonal background, prescribe pills that level it, it’s all very strange for me to read this, I can’t imagine this, but in any case, I hope everything will work out for you, good luck to you
© (14.10.2003 15:10)

It seems to me that the situation is quite common ... I, who became pregnant as planned, wore it with pleasure, was also horrified for half a year by what I did and why I gave birth. nothing, then everything got better, now my daughter is 5.5, I adore her. and up to a year - endured, and up to six months - almost hated ((
Kelen © (14.10.2003 15:10)

Yes, finally someone was honest about it. This also flashed through me, thanks to my husband - sometimes he took on the child completely and let me go to work, taking a nanny. And everything is gone!
Natasha K. © (14.10.2003 16:10)

Yes, it’s just that many people feel it, but it’s much more convenient to hide behind the fact that, oh, I saw her, took her in my arms - and that’s all, tears of happiness ... wherever there, I had a desire to strangle her. And now I can definitely say that I am a good mother.
Kelen © (14.10.2003 16:10)

At first, I also had some rejection, fear. And then - for me it has always been a nightmare to sit at home and not work, but here I am, tied up, with a screaming child, a lot of things to do, but he interferes, etc. The first 4 months I suffered from this.
Natasha K. © (14.10.2003 16:10)

To the doctorate and quickly. It is necessary not only for you and the child, but also for you and your husband, etc.
Janka © (14.10.2003 15:10)

Thanks to everyone for the advice, I can’t go to the doctor because we don’t have normal specialists, the city is small. I myself understand that I need to see a psychologist. My daughter is 5 months old.
Wrong mom © (14.10.2003 16:10)

It's definitely postpartum depression. You need to rest! Is there a grandmother to stay with the child for a while?
Tata © (14.10.2003 16:10)

Hello cat! I really never hated my daughter, although for the first 1.5 months I didn’t seem to sleep at all, but by about 4-5 months I was very, very tired. Then it went away and pretty quickly. Maybe it's a matter of fatigue.
Tata © (14.10.2003 16:10)

To a psychotherapist. Take a referral and lie down for an examination - you will rest, they will give you a shot of vitamins - it never hurts.
Janka © (14.10.2003 16:10)

You don't need a psychologist. Here the dogs should be temporarily given to someone. Have a sedative and spend more time with the girl. Everything will come, no doubt. Never hire a nanny. My friend also dreamed at this age of strangling her son with a pillow, nothing, now she loves him, wait a bit and make an effort.
Tatyana © (14.10.2003 16:10)

It remains only to find willing grandparents. We don't have ANYONE.
Natasha K. © (14.10.2003 16:10)

Girls, my parents are already trying to help as much as they can, I leave them a child for a day or two when I leave with a dog for exhibitions. I’m thinking about a nanny, but in our Muhosransk I’m unlikely to find a nanny who can understand me, and won’t twist her finger at her temple.
Wrong mom © (14.10.2003 16:10)

Why tell the nanny everything? Let it just help and that's it
Tata © (14.10.2003 16:10)

And why does the nanny need your confessions? You hire her to babysit. Mine too had a full time nanny from 4 months old and no one twiddled a finger. I don't see anything wrong with that, you never know what you're doing.
Natasha K. © (14.10.2003 16:10)

Maybe even then completely sell it to the side, so that his eyes would not see him.
Tatyana © (14.10.2003 16:10)

Why! There are native people who are not indifferent to the fate of the child!
Kaggi-Karr © (14.10.2003 16:10)

In no case. And so they will forever remain strangers.
Tatyana © (14.10.2003 16:10)

Calm down, all this will pass. Have more skin-to-skin contact with your baby. She is small, such a baby, think, she has no one in the whole world but you now. No one in the world will love her if you don't. She depends on you with every breath she takes. Remember that all bad thoughts and feelings will fly by and be forgotten like a dream, only happiness will remain, that this is your blood. This is the child of your beloved, she bound you forever, no matter what happens in the future. This happens with almost all women, maternal feelings do not immediately wake up. It's terrible that dogs take away from you the time and love that a little girl needs so much...
Tatyana © (14.10.2003 16:10)

Do not take everything to heart, it happens .. and not only with you. just behave with her not like a mother (since you don’t have such a desire), but like a little sister, with a friend who, for whatever reason, should live with you. Do not attract the attention of people close to you with your attitude. believe the girl will accept you for who you are, even if cold.
Daidin © (14.10.2003 16:10)

Some nonsense! What are they doing here? And what, she will love her daughter after that?
Esther © (14.10.2003 16:10)

Then there will be time for the family 8) and for the child in particular ... and the dogs are probably great danes and both males 8) that's the reason
Faith © (14.10.2003 16:10)

What kind of nonsense? Dogs really take a lot of your time. I don't get your "humor"
Tata © (14.10.2003 16:10)

You will understand when you grow up, your aunt just has mental problems, a deviation towards bestiality 8)
Faith © (14.10.2003 16:10)

A person with his problem turned, I think that you are on the wrong topic. There is more suitable for you - Only sex!
Esther © (14.10.2003 16:10)

I believe that this topic is sucked from the finger .... a mother will never say that about her child ...
Faith © (14.10.2003 16:10)

Problems here seem to be with an aunt with a head 8) and what do I have to do with it? ... anything happens in life))
Faith © (14.10.2003 16:10)

I won't give up my dog ​​for anything. My parents took them away from me for a month when I gave birth, so I almost lost my mind. Once I started doing them, it got easier. I have two bitches. It's comforting that I'm not the only one.
Wrong mom © (14.10.2003 16:10)

Poor girl... well, rent a house and live there with dogs... you have already fulfilled your duty to the planet anyway 8)
Faith © (14.10.2003 16:10)

The one in whom I put my efforts becomes my favorite. This truth has long been known to mankind. Why do we love our children, despite the fact that they give us a lot of trouble and trouble, and sometimes suffering? We will immediately discard, as frivolous, an attempt to explain this by biological instinct. Imagine a mother who, by the will of fate, parted with her child immediately after giving birth and met him fifteen years later. Will she love him? No, because she didn’t put any work into him, didn’t take care of him, didn’t spend sleepless nights by his bed. Love is in our hands: the more we give to someone, the more we love him. One new teacher kindergarten asked a psychologist how to love one child who was disgusting to her. And I received such an answer - we need to start taking care of him! Once again wipe his nose, change his pants, wash. And so every day. It won't be long before it turns out that you love this child and look forward to meeting him. Why is this happening, what is the secret here? When a person invests his strength in someone or something, he begins to see in the objects of the application of forces an extension of himself. The creation of his own hands, the fruits of his labor are immensely dear to him, because he, as it were, merges with them, looks at them as part of his personality. By sacrificing ourselves for other people, we draw closer to them, experiencing feelings of belonging, affection and devotion.
Dinka © (14.10.2003 16:10)

What you write is simply TERRIBLE ... And, indeed, it looks like a pathology. You need to be treated urgently, otherwise you will do some harm to the poor child. Tell your husband honestly about everything, maybe he will protect you from maternal duties and then you will calmly raise your dogs in splendid isolation :(
Irina © (14.10.2003 16:10)

Oh, how is that possible. from the shoulder, slashed and that's it, satisfied. you don’t know her, she describes a very common situation
Kelen © (14.10.2003 16:10)

In vain you are so ... Postpartum depression (and I think this is one of the variations) is a fairly common thing. Moms even throw kids out of windows :(
Natasha K. © (14.10.2003 16:10)

Do not despair! Your relationship with your child will definitely change. The fact that you are worried about this state of yours is very good. You are very kind and responsible, and over time you will learn to be a real mother.
Oakwood © (14.10.2003 16:10)

From this real and shocking story, you will be able to understand that not every woman needs children.
What I am about to publish has made me question the natural motherhood of some of the fairer sex.
Having received a “cold letter” in my e-mail box, I suddenly became “on fire” with obsessive participation.
“Why do I need children? I'm telling you quite realistically. To devote himself entirely and completely to the upbringing of the “dummy”? And then get a reproach from him that he lives worse than others? I don’t need such happiness! ”- Samara from the city of Murmansk shares her lousy revelation with us.

Having slightly edited her semi-nonsense, I decided to construct a female life story out of it.

Hi all.
My name is Samara. I am already thirty-one years old, and I clearly know what I want from this life.
And to be more precise, I know for sure what I do not want from this life.
I don't want to have a child. I don't need children. I don't see any point in their annoying upbringing.
I will explain everything to you now, otherwise you are ready to pounce on me and tear me to pieces.
I'm not a blind fool and not a juvenile drinker who has lost her last brains.
I am an educated and prudent girl living by her own rules. Their main principle is to live and get the most out of life.
Who are you, plump mothers with a sleepy face and bruises under their eyes? You are pathetic and downtrodden, you are miserable and broken. There is no freedom in your souls, you constantly sacrifice yourself for the sake of your “beloved bunny”.
Your "bunny" will grow up and you think you can live for yourself? I assure you, you will not have time, because you will die in the difficult parental field.
Self-sacrifice for the sake of a new life has been hammered into your tired head for centuries. Say, you are born, you must multiply yourself.
Why do you need children, think about it?
Until then, I'll tell you.

Part of you gives birth to children, so as not to be considered hollow.
Others breed to keep the peasant.
Some want to have children, hoping for a glass of water served in old age. They will scatter, citing family troubles, and only occasionally visit you, looking at the clock.

And you have never tried to look at the childless persons. At your 50 they look 35. For their life is filled with colors. And yours is all in spots and scribbles.
You live with men for the sake of children, you don’t eat up, too. Plow for two, also for them, if the man recoiled from you.
And what is the result?
You won't even remember anything.
Now look what I have.
In my thirties, I had already been everywhere, earning and spending lavishly.
I experienced pleasures that you never dreamed of. You fall asleep with problems and wake up with nightmares. I fall asleep in hugs and wake up in “luxurious dresses”.
I am not burdened with “childish misunderstanding” and family troubles of beaten serials. I live to the fullest.
My parents do not need anything, I fully provided for them. This is my excuse for a childless life.
In the morning - to your favorite work, from it - to crazy fun. If you like a man, I’ll come, if you don’t like it, I’ll leave.
I am free from diapers, sheets and a mother-in-law who needs to please.
I don't need children - not because I don't like them, but because no one has yet proved me any other superiority.
So far, I see in you a formless fatigue, a dull hunted look and an existence on the principle of “must”.
And I realized that it is necessary to live, guided by the combination “I want”.

Now attack, mothers.
I'll fight back.

It was a story from life, or rather the firm confidence of a free woman, connected with the “childish question”.

The story from the life of Samar was prepared by me - Edwin Vostryakovsky.

And we look forward to your detailed comments.

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Number of reviews: 10

Female, weak on the front. In one right. Today's children, brought up, in fact, by TV and the street, will never bring a glass of water in their old age (and even in their youth, God forbid they get sick), but most likely they will either poison them, or stick a knife in their backs, or throw them in the trash in 40gr. frost just to get ownership of what you got, tearing away from yourself the opportunity to eat normally, dress, relax in a sanatorium, treat yourself on time - an apartment, a summer house, a car, money.

And today the cynical phrases of officials and deputies of all levels “The main thing is the legitimate interests of the child” are becoming incomprehensible. Or stupidity, or contempt for the surrounding life. In any case, for these so-called interests, parents or someone else's aunt, when necessary, are legally and morally responsible.

All values ​​are imposed from outside. Think about it. You have almost no opportunity to decide what you personally need there. Even how to wash and how to wash clothes, someone has already decided for us.
But this is so, minuscule. For some reason, people don’t want to see that behind the so-called “strong” family (and what is it?) there are wife beatings, endless work after the main place of work - at home, eternal fatigue and lack of money, often rather big pranks of their child (for example, breaking windshield of a car) or alcoholism and drug addiction.
And all this for some reason is presented in an extremely favorable light.

The girl is absolutely right. Only everything she wrote is her choice. Those who have children have other values. Or other possibilities. This does not mean that if you give up children, you will immediately find yourself in arms and in chic dresses.
For this, something else is needed. For example, the absence of any disgust. Every night with a new man, who before that also had the same free lady. Fu, what a mess. Better with your man and with the kids. Well, I'm a little tired...

This position is due to the real worldview of this lady. But life goes on, stereotypes and values ​​change. What gave pleasure yesterday can become disgusting and, so to speak, “dislike” tomorrow.

Ten years ago, my husband and I went to Egypt for the first time. I swam with a mask, sunbathed for days on end, smeared with cream, we made love in the shower, drank wine on the seashore, I enjoyed the company of my beloved man and myself.

We went on vacation year after year, and now, ten years later, I was back in Egypt. What vague feelings I experienced when I realized that I saw parents in the pool spinning their little child in a circle, and I also want to spin our baby with my loved one, I don’t want to lie all day, sunbathing in the sun, smeared with cream, I want build sand castles with a little “bunny”, instead of wine on the balcony, the three of us walk along the shore, holding hands together.

I want someone who looks like me and my soul mate. I want to teach to live and enjoy life, I want to give love to someone else besides my beloved husband and two cats.

It comes by itself, for someone earlier, for someone later. And if a lady is really very wealthy, she has nothing to worry about, she can always want and give birth to her own hare, at least at 40, at least at 50 years old.
While she is happy, you never have to keep up with the times and society, so to speak, you need to be guided only by your feelings.

To each his own. And there is no need to impose anything on anyone, everyone has their own happiness.

And those who write something like “female, weak in the front” are simply jealous that they cannot afford such a degree of freedom and get the most out of life. And a woman who chooses a masculine type of behavior (open relationship, constant search) makes such men feel a sharp burning sensation in the lower back.

People who are satisfied with their lives do not judge anyone.

Yeah, and who said you have to change partners every night? You can find a person with similar views and be happy together.

In fact, she wants to have children, and very much so.

It is difficult not to feel the anger in her words, and yet it is she who speaks volumes.

Something like - “Come on, well, convince me, please, I can’t do this anymore!”

Whoever did not understand this, read it again, only “between the lines”, and everything will become obvious.

smile)

Some infantile values ​​in a lady in 30 years.

Well, the girl did not walk up.

Such thoughts are usually before the age of 20: to go on a spree, smoke, “stir up” with someone.

This is called emotional immaturity, unwillingness to take responsibility.

In general, a very angry letter from an unsatisfied woman!

There is no permanent man - this means in FIG no one needs a serious relationship.

I have a friend from the same series - smart, beautiful, with a job, a car, but here's a golyak in her personal life.

And such anger rushes from her, although she tries to portray indifference.

And I want a single man, and a child.

And it is presented as “yes, what the heck, a headache.”

I am a mother! Beautiful, slender, happy and beloved by her husband and sweetheart-daughter!

We have a good family, 14 daughters. Own business.

And in my 40s, I'll give odds to 25-year-olds!

And I NEVER had negative thoughts about the birth of my daughter - I adore my girl, I dissolve in her, I get joy from communication!

I always looked and still look at her as a miracle!

These emotions do not go to any comparison with those that the author of the letter so cherishes!

And if you raise a child in kindness and love, you will also receive from your child. Love breeds love!

I watch these every day. Many don't even have children.

Something like this)

Who cares if you marry for love, maybe you will be happy! And so - yes, diapers, undershirts, kindergartens, hospitals, then school!
What can you give a child in your 20s?! If you just graduated from high school!? Rolling over from a deuce to a triple, I want the child to know and know everything, and even not be capricious! It doesn't happen!
I gave birth to an unloved! AT 21! My child is sick! You have to look at her pain!? Collect urine, feces, see how she is given droppers, injections, anesthesia, etc.!? It hurts, it hurts! And watching your child suffer is even more painful.

Oh yes, I have been married for 7 years! And about the mother-in-law - this is how lucky you are! I hate mine too! Everything is wrong with her!

This very bitter text was written by a mother of many children, a journalist, a blogger - yuvikom .
Her family has been living in the Crimea for a long time, Yulia is actively published on many Orthodox resources.

"I'm talking about this tragedy again. I started writing a comment to a friend and realized a completely terrible thing. Really terrible. Our society does not need children. With all the rhetoric about the ban on abortion. With all - in words - the support of large families.

Children begin to be killed even in maternity hospitals by unskilled or unscrupulous doctors. In the happiest cases, after such a test, the children remain sick, but alive.

Then, in polyclinics, undereducated pediatricians (this is not unfounded: in our area there were two deaths of children in one year, before the so-called doctor was disqualified) prescribe the wrong treatment. Then the school leads to stupefaction and depression.

And a huge army of social psychologists does not help. Can not? Or doesn't want to? Or is there no purpose to help at all? And no one - no guardianship, social protection and ombudsmen, and even more so the police, the police can not help when real help is needed. The law does not provide protection from manipulators, cultists and other wolves in sheep's clothing, who are just waiting to be eaten. I'm not talking about parents who have no time to take care of children. In my opinion, child-free is more honest. Sometimes it’s better to let the parents not interfere, because it’s worth rudely interfering, as irreversible processes begin. Here's how in the case of Denis and Katya.

By adolescence - to the very one before which the whole world and all life is ahead - children are no longer viable. Some prefer to lie on the couch with gadgets. And then they are "vegetables" and loafers, infantiles. Others try to live in real life, but absolutely do not know how it is done in a normal way. How people live together, how they love each other, how they respect - this must be taught from the cradle. And this concerns, surprisingly, not only children from orphanages, but also children from ordinary families. And then they become "not like everyone else." "Captain Fantastic" at least taught children to fight for their lives. And what does the family and school teach here and now?

I do not consider Denis and Katya heroes. I do not know all the facts, I can not judge. There is a muddy history, a lot of questions. But the beginning of the story is not on the day when the tragedy occurred. It all started much earlier. No one needed these children all their short lives and until the very last moment. The miracle did not happen, no one suddenly appeared out of nowhere and no one was saved. And where was the super-hero to come from? Our films don't like happy endings. Only hardcore. But to go with an army, with weapons against children, is too much even for a movie. Ordinary life is much scarier...

We don't take care of our children. In general, people, citizens. A human life is worth very little. And it didn't start yesterday either. Many of our military victories, contrary to the words of the great commander, were given to us by numbers, and not by skill. And all these human sacrifices somehow ceased to terrify. Are you used to?

In general, I think that if there were no broadcast to the periscope, we would not have known about this tragedy at all. And this means that other children die unknown. And there is only one question: how many of them have already died? And how many more will die before we realize that we need to start taking care of them not at the age of 15."