Depression in men - midlife crisis. Symptoms of a midlife crisis in men and how to overcome it. How long does it last

No matter how often the female half of the population is called the weaker sex, but when it comes to emergency situations in life, especially if they concern emotional and psychological shocks, it is women who turn out to be much more resilient and calmer, and out of habit they can respond to various shocks with only a fleeting response. glance. Moreover, a midlife crisis is, in fact, a kind of variation on the theme of menopause, only in men, and it’s actually so difficult period that not everyone can bear it with dignity. In the media, on TV and on the Internet, you can easily find information, seemingly exhaustive, about when a midlife crisis occurs in men, the symptoms of which every reader or listener immediately begins to look for.

This process can be “painful” because basically we have not “learned to love” age, but we have learned to stay young for a long time. However, middle adulthood is precisely a life phase whose behavior and lifestyle have a strong influence on the organization of age.

Another change in middle age is a shift in generational structure. On the one hand, the middle age group stands between the younger and older generations, with the result that the keyword “sandwich generation” must be critically questioned for its suggestive meaning. At the latest, when the children leave, the so-called “later life phase” begins. Removing children from their parents' homes - a normal life cycle for children who are grown - can dramatically change the parents' living situation.

Here he is, age crisis in men: symptoms, painfully familiar?

Every person in his youth somehow does not pay attention to the passage of time, does not feel it, but over the years he begins to think more and more about the fact that life passes, and more and more often sideways, and all things are never completed. The goals you set at age twenty have not been fulfilled by forty-five, you haven’t built a house, you haven’t planted a tree, and the two curly-haired schoolgirls who dine with you at the same table every morning and then demand money for a movie don’t look much like the son with whom you can go fishing or dig into the engine of your grandfather’s old Zhiguli.

Wives and husbands see themselves abandoned in their marital relationships or for single women, the departure of children often means the beginning of lonely lives. The departure of children—and thus the end of motherhood—was sometimes seen as a de facto life crisis for women; as a life event that will lead women to depression because it will end their real mission in life - motherhood. In this context, the term "empty nest syndrome" was coined; "empty nest" syndrome. For example, with the “empty nest” image, a biological analogy is used whereby a woman’s actual tasks are set to her mothering duties.

Worth thinking about

Whatever one may say, no matter what you do and what brilliant courses you take to improve your well-being and spiritual and moral state, science has its own opinion on this matter. However, no one has yet come up with anything smarter. The thing is that a midlife crisis in men after 40 is a completely normative condition, that is, almost every person experiences a similar process, although everyone reacts differently.

Moral support and faith in his achievements

Thus, the post-patent phase is devalued from the very beginning. He does not take into account that in conditions of high life expectancy, the postphanal phase lasts longer than the phase of parental life. The second important intergenerational development that often occurs in middle-aged adults is the aging of parents and then their death. Aging parents can lead to reverse intergenerational caregiving and support: parents who cared for and cared for them during childhood often become increasingly dependent and in need of care.

It is not at all necessary that as soon as you successfully “turn” forty, you will immediately begin to cry into your friends’ vest, quarrel with your wife and not let your children live; this does not happen to everyone. This phenomenon, or if you like, a state, can be expressed to one degree or another in various forms, moreover, over the course of a good dozen or two years. The consequences of this can be simply catastrophic, both for the man himself and for his family. It is the midlife crisis among 30-year-old men that becomes the most common cause of broken families and broken destinies, unhappy children deprived of fatherly care and love, and so on, the list can go on for a very long time.

Causes of midlife crisis in men

Demographic and social changes in modern societies lead to a conflict of reconciliation between care and occupation, often arising late in the family life. The death of one's own parents can - in addition to the associated mourning - have important social and economic consequences: firstly, women and men of middle and late age, with the death of their parental generation, themselves become the "oldest surviving generation". They rise to the top of the generational structure. Second, women and men often inherit significant capital contributions.

Also, don’t think that the midlife crisis in men over 30 goes more smoothly than if it came a little later. The percentage of advanced neurotic disorders and diseases, complete failures in professional activities, misunderstanding and ostracism in the family, all this can easily lead a person to alcoholism, drug addiction and even suicide. Are you constantly overwhelmed by some wild thoughts about how insolvent you have turned out to be, what you haven’t done and will never do? You don’t want to communicate with either your annoying spouse or your harmful offspring, and you either become overly promiscuous when it comes to sex, or even forget to even think about it? So the problem definitely exists.

How long does a midlife crisis last for men?

Because inheritances are socially distributed unevenly, economic inequality in this age group increases even further. It is one of the social contradictions of this stage of life that in the Middle Ages the replacement of the family of origin - by the death of the parents - is final, but it is this "final detachment" through inheritance that again emphasizes the influence of the family of origin on their own economic situation.

Average age and biographical definitions. Middle adulthood is also a phase in biographical biography in which biographical definitions must be emphasized and mastered for the first time. These definitions may be based on vocational dimensions, for example, demonstrating the implications of specific vocational guidance for career progression or termination of promotion opportunities. However, biographical determinations may also arise in private and family settings, for example if the chances of choosing a new mate are diminishing or if the current lifestyle can be ended with great difficulty.

Main symptoms of the condition: midlife crisis in men 40 years and beyond

Not every man himself is able to appreciate how random outbursts of emotions and attacks of fleeting depression that can overcome anyone, and quite unexpectedly, are similar to the age crisis that we are talking about here. So how can we understand what actually gnaws and oppresses the gentle and vulnerable male soul, skillfully hidden behind a dense frame of muscles, a “stony” facial expression and a strong character? It is worth saying that, regardless of the psychotype, such crises happen to almost everyone and during their lives a boy, a guy, a man, and then an old man, experience similar situations several times, without even realizing it.

When does a midlife crisis in men begin and end, and how long does it last?

However, biographical definitions can also be reflected in the form of physical aspects, for example when neglect of health at a young age at this stage of life first leads to tangible damage and disability. The achievements achieved so far and not achieved - against the backdrop of gradually narrowing options - become obvious in their significance for the first time at this stage of life. In middle age, some rise to leadership positions in society. Accordingly, they see themselves, at least outwardly, at the height of their lives.

Symptoms and signs, for ease of understanding: midlife crisis in a 50 year old man

His work and professional activity mean a lot in the life of every man, especially if he considers it the work of his whole life. In most cases, this is true, because difficulties at work can be the first sign indicating some trouble. Even if you hold a fairly high position, and also receive a salary that is very enviable for many, at such moments you want to compare yourself with richer and more successful friends. After all, they have already achieved stratospheric heights and are going on vacation to tour exotic countries, and not to banal Egypt, which has long been tired of its eternal heat and regular troubles.
Personal life and family mean a lot to every person, so during a crisis many men begin to have doubts in terms of family relationships. For some reason, it begins to seem to them that his wife does not love him as much as she could, the children turn a deaf ear to everything he says and do not appreciate their father’s point of view. And in general, people in the neighborhood live much better, soul to soul, but in their native land it’s just a madhouse and complete bedlam.
It is also very common to worry excessively about one’s own health, in a wide variety of areas, precisely because of the age-related crisis. Moreover, many representatives of the stronger sex themselves begin to “look” for suitable symptoms for themselves. As if, as in the famous book about three friends in a boat with a dog, the only thing they can find in a medical reference book is childbed fever, although that wouldn’t hurt at all. Then you want to blame the whole world, and generally scold your spouse, who looks after you so poorly, like a schoolgirl.

What does all this mean: let’s look into the details

If they experience discrepancies, it is not because they are not achieving their professional goals, but because this external success is not resulting in the fulfillment of all desires. The rest remain at their social level or are even devalued. They must put aside their further incentives and desires for consumption, and are increasingly overtaken by the young.

Escape from everything ordinary and constant

Biographically, individual aging is not primarily a problem of biology and the body, but a problem of definition. In terms of their age and looking back at their past, women and men open up certain opportunities. Some of them have been implemented, and many of them have been closed. Aging is career conscious and precisely because it closes their potential: with every decision, with every choice, individually achievable alternatives have been sorted out. In this sense, aging is a simultaneous accumulation of achievements and omissions.

You need to know that these are not all the signs by which you can identify a problem in yourself or your beloved husband. So, it can be difficult and even completely unclear to figure out that a man’s midlife crisis has already arrived and what to do. It is very good if a man mobilizes his inner young and strong boy, becomes even more persistent in achieving his goals, works more seriously and redirects all possible energy to creation and self-affirmation. He wants and can prove to himself, his wife, children, and simply the whole world that he is fully capable of taking care of himself and his loved ones, achieving real prosperity in life, earning more money, becoming famous for his creative successes, and so on.

And it is only in middle age where this dilemma of modern life is first visible. However, midlife crisis is often considered to be a serious problem for many middle-aged men. In their forties, they realize that now there is only "the rest of life" ahead: time is no longer from birth to death. There are measured ones, but now from present to death. But the midlife crisis can be overcome with the following tips.

Rethink what's really important

The midlife crisis is neither universal nor the first and only crisis in life. Because the concept is so firmly rooted in common usage, it is often forgotten that not every person experiences a midlife crisis. If a crisis exists, it can also be used as an opportunity to redefine yourself and set different priorities. But before you can file for divorce or quit your job, you have to take some time. Making rash decisions is one of the typical midlife crises.

However, things don’t always work out the way you want. Often, when a man has a midlife crisis, he withdraws into himself and may start drinking, explaining this to himself and those around him by saying that there is no problem at all, he just wants to relax and forget. But it exists, and it needs to be addressed, otherwise the consequences may turn out to be completely disappointing.

Optimism helps you overcome a midlife crisis: instead of looking back nostalgically, you plan better for the coming years. With today's life expectancy in the 40s, you are literally in the middle of life. And the mid-severity crisis also goes through a phase: according to research, people in their mid-forties are the most unhappy, while the most meaningful stages of life are between the ages of 20 and 70.

Midlife crisis - people going through menopause

Even men are not protected from the hormonal variability of their body, which is noticeable from about 40 years of age in approximately 12% of men in Germany. Unlike women, not every man seems to be affected, and symptoms are usually much milder than in women. A well-known term is the so-called midlife crisis - a crisis in the middle part of life. The reason for this designation is probably the common tendency of men to experience depressive moods. Because the transformation of a person's hormonal balance has the consequence that less and less testosterone is produced.

Need to take into account

An age crisis, which can occur at any, even the most inopportune moment, is an extremely serious test for loving wives who will have to go through real hell, woven from pain and misunderstanding. If you have enough patience to cope, then the family will remain safe and sound. But often, women simply cannot tolerate inappropriate behavior and then the marriage is destroyed. In addition, if a midlife crisis in men also provoked leaving the family, then most likely this can be put to rest.

Getting old is pretty hard

This, in turn, of course, gnaws at the male ego and self-esteem. Because who would like to admit that a person is not so strong in Everyday life or even has erection problems? But, like all things in life, of course, not all men are equally affected. As you get older, you legitimately begin to question the significance of some things. It could be relationships, the real meaning of life or other things. It's not uncommon in the media to find that men are looking for a younger or new partner at this stage of their lives to escape the idea of getting older or because falling in love will make us forget about other worries for a while.

And the casket just opened: so what are the reasons?

It must be said that this whole matter was discovered by a Canadian doctor named Eliot Jacques, who himself looked more like a psycho than the psychoanalyst that he was, approximately in the middle of the last century. It was he who decided to get to the bottom of the reasons, conducted a whole bunch of scientific research and enlightened everyone a little in this regard, which he was incredibly happy about. There are three main reasons that lead a person in the middle of life to an age-related crisis. Moreover, it doesn’t matter at all what time the midlife crisis in men began, and when you first noticed it.

Signs, relief and prevention during andropause

But no matter how you look at it, you can't escape from it. Men suffering from menopausal symptoms mainly complain of depressed mood to severe depression, and increased belly fat and less muscle are also common symptoms.

A drop in testosterone levels in the body can lead to erectile dysfunction. Typically, menopause has only mild features. However, for those who begin to suffer, for whom a visit to the doctor may be a relief, even hormone therapy with artificially administered testosterone under the supervision of a doctor can relieve symptoms - can stop this process, part of aging is not so.

The first reason is clear and understandable even to a child and it is physiological in nature. That is, actions and steps that seemed trivial just a few years ago are no longer so easy. For example, you can’t easily throw a bag of potatoes over your shoulder at the dacha, and you have to somehow get out of it.
The second reason has a psycho-emotional and even mental nature, since the man still seems to be not old at all, but he can no longer be called young. Standing at a crossroads, he begins to seriously reassess values, and this is depressing.
The third reason is social. To one degree or another, we feel its pressure throughout our lives. It all depends on how well the “minimum” program for a given age was implemented, and by the standards of the surrounding society. Oh, the tree has not been grown, and the house is still under renovation? Then reflection will hardly be avoided.

A man after a midlife crisis needs care and understanding

Between 40 and 50 years of age, our fortunes reach an absolute minimum: the midlife crisis affects almost everyone. Escape does little to help one endure a crisis and, rather, look forward. Good news in advance: it passes. The bad news is that it affects almost everyone. The result: never be dissatisfied and have a risk of depression greater than 40 to 50 - whether single, married, poor, rich, men or women. Around the age of 44, world sentiment reaches its lowest point.

The period between 40 and 55 is “a stage of biographical transition with a high crisis,” says Pasculina Perrig-Chiello, professor of psychology at the University of Bern. She researched this stage of life and wrote a book about it: Midlife. Midlife discovery. There are various reasons for crisis potential: at this age, you are often on the treadmill at work, partnerships are showing signs of wear and tear, and there are often high levels of responsibility and stress in work and family environments.

No one will ever be able to give you a clear enough answer to the question of how long a midlife crisis lasts for men and when it might suddenly strike. It's always like snow on your head. However, it is imperative to help the person who is truly dear to cope. Only a spouse can really bring an alarmist to his senses, support and inspire him, make him believe in himself, his strengths again, and also in the fact that half of his life is left behind, but the other half is still ahead and it is worth making sure that she became the best.

Throwing lightning bolts and quarreling to the teeth is inappropriate in any situation

A woman should not immediately respond to her husband’s mood swings, and best of all, not pay attention to them at all. You just have to think about the fact that this is a kind of disease that is inappropriate to pay attention to. Let him scream and stomp his feet, let him wring his hands and sprinkle ashes on his head, telling how everyone around him humiliates him, doesn’t love him and doesn’t appreciate him. Eventually he will let off steam and calm down. If you get involved in a dispute, then a serious quarrel simply cannot be avoided.

Moral support and faith in his achievements

If, in light of a crisis, a man suddenly decides to radically change his life and, leaving his own company to trusted people, rush to Goa, you should not contradict him or argue. This is an excellent decision and your mother-in-law’s birthday is not at all a reason to stay. After all, just imagine how good it will be to walk on the snow-white sand with bare feet, listen to the incredible songs of wandering musicians, and meditate surrounded by real yogis.

In addition, you should always say how proud and happy you are just because at one time you decided to throw in your lot with him. A woman who believes in her man, always tells him about it, inspires and guides him, and does not shout and swear, will never become secondary or unnecessary.

Quality sex is very important

You should not in any way belittle the role of sex in a man’s life, because for many it is not just an aspect of life, but even its main part, and this is quite understandable. It is with sex that they associate all their wealth. Therefore, at the age of forty or fifty, men begin to have mistresses whom they have never had before. All this happens because they prefer to associate the decrease in sexual potency with their own spouses, who cannot, do not want, do not know how to do anything, look like old hangers, do not know how to take care of themselves and their husbands, and so on.

It is very important to listen less to these stupid, idle gossip and conversations, and if he is really dear, and you understand the causes and consequences perfectly well, then it is better to forgive, let go and forget. Over time, he will definitely understand who was there in difficult times. Try to improve, change or at least diversify your intimate games. Then maybe, and most likely, the former passion will return and everything will work out. After all, everything passes, this too will pass, but family and relationships are extremely serious, and it is better to preserve them than to destroy them.

In the life of almost every man there comes a period when life becomes uninteresting, boring, and apathy sets in. In psychology, such an emotional state is called a midlife crisis.

A man asks questions about his personal and professional achievements. And in many cases, a person is not satisfied with the answers, because he realizes that he has not achieved the heights that he dreamed of. However, the midlife crisis can be overcome and you can return to a full life filled with bright colors.

When it comes

The midlife crisis begins closer to the age of 40, when the conventional half of life has already been lived. Every man can fall into a “crisis trap,” regardless of whether he is a successful man in the prime of his life or a bachelor without a stable income.

IN last years the age of crisis has become noticeably “younger” and can overtake a man as early as 35 years old, and sometimes earlier. Many people, already at the age of 30-35, are talking about middle age, about lost opportunities and unfulfilled dreams. Some begin to reconsider their life values and priorities, and form aspirations for new social and personal goals.

How long does it last

The duration of the crisis for the strong half of humanity has no clear boundaries and can vary: some suffer for 1 year, while others are depressed for 5 years. The support of family and loved ones, a person’s temperament and character, financial stability, professional status and social role - all this influences the duration and depth of the crisis.

Also the duration of the suppressed emotional state It also depends on what and how many teenage complexes a man has left from school.

How it manifests itself

The main symptoms of a male crisis are:

Self-pity. It is expressed in any manifestations, experienced both within oneself and brought to the close circle in frequent complaints and dissatisfaction.
Permanent depressive state. Sometimes people around you may not understand the reasons for the onset of depression, especially in an outwardly successful and impressive man.
Emptiness. After the onset of a crisis, a person begins to feel emptiness within himself, dissatisfaction, loss and hopelessness. It is very difficult to survive such a state alone.
The feeling of being “trapped”, “dead end”, when it seems that you are in a hopeless situation and no one can help.
An unpleasant feeling that life is unfair.

The male crisis at 40 has some external characteristic features, and relatives, a man’s reaction to certain moments in life is simply disconcerting due to its inconsistency and illogicality. Sometimes it may seem that a person has “gone crazy,” but in fact, hormonal changes in the body and a midlife crisis are to blame.

Characteristic symptoms:

Loss of interest in previous hobbies, hobbies, the man is in an apathetic state and does not want to do anything.
Change of environment - often the priority in any matter is the opinion of casual acquaintances.
Refusal of what has been achieved, even when a person is at the peak of fame, material wealth and achievements.
Eccentric, free behavior.
Irritability alternating with some sentimentality. A man can shed tears over a heartbreaking scene in a movie and then immediately start swearing over some trifle.
Suspiciousness about health, this can especially affect the genital area. At the age of 40, men begin to feel that they are losing their sexual power, and to convince themselves otherwise, they may resort to extremes.
Dissatisfaction with appearance. After 35 years, men become picky about their appearance, they begin to look for gray hair, wrinkles, and they are very irritated by the appearance of their tummy.
Closedness. This sign is especially noticeable in previously sociable and cheerful guys who try to hide their problems and experiences in silence.
Worries about the future. After 40 years, some men begin to talk about death and take stock of life.

What to do

What should a man do to overcome the crisis?

The main thing in overcoming a crisis is to understand that this is a summing up of the life lived, awareness of the mistakes made and the right actions, acceptance of the good that already exists, and parting with what is not necessary. A crisis is not the end of life, but a transition to a new stage.

Overcome yourself and don't give up. If you want to change your occupation, your environment, renovate your home, change your hairstyle, update your wardrobe. Get rid of bad habits(alcohol, smoking), play sports, relax with family more often, travel outdoors, abroad. If you are not satisfied with the job, change it.
Try to fulfill old dreams. Every person in his youth dreamed of something, for example, going to university, jumping with a parachute, learning a foreign language, etc. However, not everyone at that moment had the opportunity and time to fulfill their dreams.
During a period of mental weakness, a man should not forget about loved ones, as well as the fact that he is the head of the family, responsible for the life and fate of his relatives.
Learn to appreciate life and enjoy every moment.

What should a wife do during a crisis with her husband?

The main thing is patience. You shouldn’t tell your husband to go see a psychologist, and you shouldn’t advise him on what to do in a given situation. During the midlife crisis, men become vulnerable and the main task of a woman is to help him get out of this state and support him in everything. It is necessary to surround your spouse with love and care, to show him his significance and importance in the life of the family. At the same time, the husband must feel this in his wife’s actions and actions.

In order for a man to overcome the crisis faster, a woman needs to talk to her husband more often. With the right words, a smart wife will be able to bring her interlocutor into a conversation, during which he will share everything that worries him. You also need to constantly focus on the achievements and successes of your spouse, demonstrate your pride and admiration for them.

It is necessary to diversify family life - visit cinemas, do extreme sports together, go to the pool, go to restaurants, get interested in dog breeding, etc. The main thing is to show a woman that life does not end at the 40-year mark, but is just beginning. It is important to carry out all planned activities regularly, without giving even a second to depression. A man will definitely appreciate it and be grateful.

Don't forget about intimate life. In this case, the wife is recommended to include aphrodisiac foods in her daily diet - strawberries, chocolate, ginger, seafood, mushrooms, avocados, eggs. You also need to show initiative and arrange romantic evenings, role-playing games, etc. for your loved one.

Birth of a child. If for some reason there are no children in the family yet, then it’s time to think about it. With the birth of a child, a man will forget about his problems and turn all his attention to his daughter or son.

What should a woman not do?

Turn away from a problem without making an attempt to solve it, or drown out your feelings computer games, alcoholic beverages, etc., this will only complicate the situation.
Cry, especially in front of your husband. You need to show your loved one that everything is fine with you.
Demand changes in behavior or threaten divorce.
Reproach yourself for his condition.

Proper psychological support from his wife will help a man get through his midlife crisis quickly and almost painlessly.

If the proposed methods do not help, then the man should still turn to a specialist for psychological help.